


Beyond.

by goodgirlstheyliketosin



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo is Dead, Drunk Rey, F/M, Force Bond, Force Bond (Star Wars), I don't know how to properly tag, Loneliness, Post-Canon, Post-TRoS, Rey and Rose are friends, SEVERE loneliness, So be warned, The Heart Wants What It Wants, after tros, but also depression, english is not my first language pls be nice, idk how many chapters it will have, it depends, promise this will be full of fluff, rey is really trying, rose tico deserved better so i'm giving her better, short and sweet, sorry - Freeform, tros fucked me up and i'm here trying to cope with the ending, we love tlj here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27922786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodgirlstheyliketosin/pseuds/goodgirlstheyliketosin
Summary: Rey could spend her whole life in this new backwater planet: she knows how to survive the course and rough sand under the twin suns. She also knows she can't do that to herself... to anyone.When she goes back to the Resistance's Base, she finds out that she can't be there either. Rey can't be anywhere.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	Beyond.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Smol_Stressed_Bunny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smol_Stressed_Bunny/gifts).



> This is my very first Star Wars fanfiction, and my second one written in English! Please, be kind to this 29 year old lady: I'm learning English by myself. 
> 
> This was born after a drunk night when I couldn't handle the TROS ending. Rey didn't even mourn. Everyone went back to doing the same thing. So this is my way to honor the real Rey and Ben Solos' death.  
> Revolves around everyone's emotion after Exegol, so yeah, a lot of talky-talky and pain. AND FRIENDSHIP. BECAUSE WE LOVE ROSE TICO AND REY HERE.
> 
> Thank you SO much to @Smol_Stressed_Bunny for being absolutely amazing and proof-reading this.

Tatooine’s twin Suns are burning bright, high in the bluest sky the planet has ever witnessed. Her boots are the only thing protecting her feet from the scorching hot sand while going back to the Millennium Falcon. The white outfit is so worn out that she feels it adhering to her skin. She needs water, a change of clothes and some rest. Those are the only things her mind could focus on. Or at least, that’s what she says to herself: water, new clothes, rest. Rey’s mind is in survival mode. Has been since that night when it happened. 

Rey enters the Falcon. It’s so quiet in there that you don’t need to even focus to hear the gears working under the metallic floor. 

A white-hot pain radiated from her left arm where she fell to the ground, back in Exegol. She hisses and takes off her armbands… and then the rest of the clothes. Naked in the fresher, right in front of the mirror. She never really looked at herself in anything that showed her reflection. She always hated the way she looked: too skinny, too hungry, too sad. But now she might as well do it. There’s nothing that will hurt her anymore. Rey knows that nothing else will ever cause her pain again.

She touches her thighs. More muscle, definitely. Her hair, now down, greasy, longer than when she was on Ahch-To. She has eaten more in the last year than in her entire life and her stomach is not as flat as it used to be. There’s more fat on her face. Her body seems to be thriving in comparison to the Rey she left on Jakku. Oh but her eyes. Her eyes are exactly the same. Her hazel eyes remind her that she was the same Rey she thought she left on the damned backwater planet. They start to water and she blinks rapidly, trying to shake the loneliness off.

They are waiting for her back in the Resistance’s base. She better tries to keep her demons at bay. Ironic. She had people waiting for her like she never had before. A home, maybe. Someone to return to. People who cared. And still, Rey sits in the fresher while hot water runs down her face, feeling like she was drowning in the ocean and no one was coming to save her.

* * *

The Resistance base is so loud that even the Falcon’s engines are not heard. It has been two weeks since Exegol and people are still celebrating. Dancing, drunk on cheap booze, and eating like tomorrow doesn’t exist. 

— Rey! — Finn calls her in an obviously drunken voice. — We’ve missed you! — He embraces her and his warmth spreads to her chest. Finally, somewhere she felt safe. Her best friend’s arms. 

— Sorry I didn’t reply to the commlink. — She apologizes in a half-smile. 

— I was worried sick. Everyone was. As you see — He opens his arms showing around. — we’re still celebrating and we didn’t want you to miss it too. You’re part of this, Rey. — He lowers his voice and wraps his arms around her again. — Without you we wouldn’t have won. — He kisses her forehead and lets her go. — Are you staying? Come on! It will be fun. You need to loosen up a bit.

It is hard saying no. What excuses does she have? What excuses are going to be enough for him? 

— I… Yeah. Sure. I’ll stay. 

After a crushing hug from Chewie, a pat on the head from Poe and bending to fix BB-8’s antenna, she sits in the newly improvised bar counter. 

The music is loud enough for Rey not to hear her own thoughts. Rey looks around and sees her friend’s faces lit up by colorful lights, laughing. She’s never seen them like this before. Drunk? Yes. But drunk on something more powerful than booze? Never. She kicks herself and thinks that this is the best outcome from the war. 

— Right, Rey? — Says Finn.  _ What did he say _ ? Rey nervously nods and his smile fades. — You weren’t listening. 

Rey clears her throat. — I’m kinda wasted already. Sorry.

A collective laugh and the sound of liquid filling up glasses surrounds her. She tries to laugh too, following their lead. She keeps drinking whatever is in front of her. Tomorrow her head will explode, she knows. 

But there’s someone that’s eyeing her. Rose gets up from her seat and takes her hand. — Rey, would you come with me to the toilet? I don’t wanna go alone. — Rey nods and follows her to a dark spot, under an enormous tree. It’s chilly and she braces herself. She feels way drunker than she thought she was. 

— Rey. Hey. Look at me. What are you doing? — Rose crosses her arms on her chest. Rey is way taller than her but now she feels so small. She has always admired Rose’s confidence. She thought Rose was one of the cool girls. One of those girls you want to be friends with. Or maybe more, one of those girls that you fall in love with, just like in those books she used to read as a kid. Her mind starts to wonder. Oh, now she’s hungry. 

Rose looks at her, with a smile on her face. — Rey. Girl. I appreciate the thought but I’m in love with someone else. But I thought _ you  _ were one of the cool girls, everyone loves you and I’m just, well. Just Rose. 

— Rose, I thought I was talking to myself! Dammit, I am drunk. Fuck, sorry. I thought you never liked me! Because, well, Finn. I promise we are just friends. Is that what you wanted me to talk about? About Finn? I think Poe loves him. I mean everyone loves him. He’s great. Yeah, he is. I could eat a Mudhorn right now. And take a hot bath. — Rey’s mouth moves way too fast and her thoughts are making no sense. Rose is still listening to her rambling, calmly. 

— Are you done with the banter with yourself? 

— Yeah. What the hell were we talking about? 

— Rey. Why are you here? — Rey looks at her, frowning her brow.

—  _ Here _ ? Well, you brought me  _ here _ .

— Rey. — Rose pleads. — I know we haven’t properly met, but there are some things you can’t talk to Finn and Poe. I know. What are you doing  _ here _ , at a party? I don’t want to be rude, but you’re trashed, and it seems like you won’t stop drinking with your eyes lingering in the air. You’re not  _ here _ . 

Rey tries to keep her rage at bay. Who does she think she is to talk to her like  _ that _ ? She doesn’t know her. No one does. Her gut screams in anger. This is it. The darkness attempts to consume her at every corner, every dent of her body, every hole in her mind. 

Rose is staring at her, with willing ears and attentive eyes. 

With a lonely tear escaping her left eye, Rey stares back at Rose. — I shouldn’t be here. I don’t know how to be here, Rose. Not anymore. I don’t belong with the Resistance. 

Instead of starting an argument with her, as Rey expected, she said nothing at all. 

— Wanna go for a walk? — Rose offers with a knowing smile. Rey shyly nods. 

Rey pours her heart out and for the first time in days, she feels relieved. Rose turned out to be the greatest listener she’s ever met.

— I can’t stay, Rose. I thought I could, but after tonight, it’s clear that I can’t. Everywhere I go I see happy people and it’s a reminder that this is not what I can call home. How can I? — Rey bitterly says. — What kind of person wins a war and gets a warm bed, a plate of food every day and people who truly care about what happens to you and is still this sad? It’s pathetic. 

They reach a stream of water and sit near it. Rose waits for Rey to say something else, but hears her friend clenching her teeth to stop what she thinks it is, a pool of tears. 

— Those feelings are too much for anyone to bear, Rey. Sharing them with me was a gift. Thank you, Rey. Sometimes I feel lonely whenever I think about my sister Paige. She sacrificed herself too, you know. — Rey takes Rose’s hand and squishes it. The Force flows through the two friends. 

Rose tries to continue. — It’s not your fault that you lost… — Rose closes her mouth, and then bravely opens it again. — You didn’t lose him, Rey. You didn’t. He chose his path. Rey. — She intently looks at her. — I won’t tell them. But they should know what he did. They think of him as a monster. And believe me, I would have kicked the shit out of him. — She laughs and Rey does too. 

— I bet you would have. — She hiccups and looks at Rose with puffy eyes. — His memory is tainted with his past, Rose. Finn will never understand how he gave me tonight. And gave me tomorrow. And the day after that. — Rey gulps, her tears threatening to choke her. 

— No, he won’t. But it’s up to you to honor what he fought for. And he fought for you. You need to start living and honoring him. That’s what I do. — Rose shrugged and caressed her medallion. — Paige would want me to live my life to celebrate hers.

Together, the newly found sisterhood shares a silence that makes them feel alone together in the vastly large universe. 

* * *

— Are you telling me that you fucked Kylo Ren!? — Poe screams at Rey. 

— You haven’t understood a single word I said. — Rey says through clenched teeth. It was a bad, very bad idea to try to tell Finn and Poe about her and Ben.

— I think we’ve understood pretty well. — Says Finn coldly. — And that’s why you’ve been aloof all week? Because he’s dead? Rey, he was a mass-murderer! He tore up my spine, he slammed you against a tree and manipulated you into being with him! I don’t care what he did afterwards. — Finn continues with his fist closed while raising his voice. 

— I think you should trust my judgment, then. — Rey replies in a stone-cold tone, looking at Finn. A part of her wants to scream bloody murder, ignite the lightsaber and shake the stars. His name is being dragged and deep down she knows that that was expected. Kylo Ren was the man they knew. Rey was the only one who met Ben Solo. 

Finn looks at her and crosses his arms in front of his chest, fighting his instincts of protection and his trust in his best friend. This could go south rather quickly and their friendship could be broken. He knows, by looking at the fierceness in her eyes. He then sits beside her. 

— I trust you, Rey. Always will. — He looks directly into her eyes and sees nothing but sadness and something he has not seen before in his friend. Something he has seen only once… in General Leia Organa. 

Rey nods, trying to regain her composure. And thanks the Force Finn decided to say nothing else. 

Only Poe makes a noise in disbelief. — So…  _ everything _ was as big as him? 

Rey ignores it and exits the room while Finn murders Poe with his eyes. 

— He really saved her. The motherfucker went and traded his life for hers. — Poe mutters under his breath.

— General Leia never gave up hope. As much as I would love to bring him back to kill him myself, for the sake of Rey’s mental health, we should at least respect her feelings. I don’t wanna lose her. 

* * *

The Resistance is asleep. It’s been three months since the incident with Poe and Finn back in the tent. Now there are more urgent matters they need to attend to: a devastated world that is up to them to rebuild. To mourn the loss of the fallen. To honor their memory. 

Rey is breathing the early morning air. A blanket of mist has fallen over the base. She wraps her poncho around her and closes her eyes to the world, trying to meditate. 

There’s nothing but her, the humid air, and the cold that only a bright new day can bring. 

—  _ Be with me _ . — She mutters. —  _ Be with me _ . — She tries again. —  _ Be with me _ . — She pleads. A single tear escapes her. 

— Please….  _ Please _ . — Rey begs to the Force. — Let me see him. Just one more time. 

These days Rey is spending her time helping Rose with every task she needs. She’s following, not leading. She keeps to herself and tries to fill her Resistance duties to close herself off in her quarters to train. Or at least that’s what she's telling her friends. 

When everyone is sleeping she escapes her small world and goes outside. Perhaps the Force will be kinder with her out here. 

She has tried to no avail. Ben was nowhere to be found. Because he was dead. Dead and never coming back.

Until the Force hums again.


End file.
